So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I just want to make out with him forever
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
