Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
