and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Farmville is her only friend.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
