we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
