Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
