At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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