Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
All the doctor said was why
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize