she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
