I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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