The maid of honor just puked.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
