My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
