my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
