can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I want a musical about memes.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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