Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
