I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
