Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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