i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
