you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Randomize