hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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