Betty ford says i'm here all night
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
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