apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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