my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
