well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize