I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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