The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
