Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
