once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
