Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
