the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
