why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
