Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize