you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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