Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
