spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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