yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
