sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
