Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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