Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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