Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
It's like God shit irony all over that family
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
