There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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