Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
