i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
