Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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