stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
