Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
