So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
