Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
