Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
