Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
then he tried to convert me to islam
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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