I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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