You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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