I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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