So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
MIDGETS
????
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Randomize
