The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
