she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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