conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
