You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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