i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
