I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
