i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
