If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
