You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
whose parrot is this?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
This toilet bowl is my home.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
