Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
