brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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