I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
you made out with another girl for some wings
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
