i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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