Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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