So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize