Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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