Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
