it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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