the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
