i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
