come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
