I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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